I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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