he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
