Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
