We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
