so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
