yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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