I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
