Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
