I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
