I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
