his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
