I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
