Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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