No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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