i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My vagina is very pro this idea
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize