is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
