I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
