the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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