shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
