What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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