yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
