I just made out with a guy for $7.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
