oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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