I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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