You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
