All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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