just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
