Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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