My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
