i already hear my dad disowning me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
