who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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