And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
