I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
