but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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