I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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