Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
