We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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