I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
