Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
