apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
