So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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