yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
