You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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