Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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