So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
