do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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