She's JV to your varsity
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
