What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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