My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
