yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
