we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
