Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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