But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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