That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
