I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
