I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
