I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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