Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
