There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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