It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
