they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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