This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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