My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
