I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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