Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
