I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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