i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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