Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
that is very illegal...i love you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize