He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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