last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
