White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
