Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
