Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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