everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish life had little blips of pornography
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
