I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
