He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize