My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
