Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
