Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
