I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
