she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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