Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
