I just pynch a tree in the face
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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