i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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