I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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