meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
